addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
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