I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
