So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
