Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
