just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
