just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
did you just send me my own nude
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
