You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
