walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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