I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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I booty called her while she was in labor.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize