just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
