Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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