It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
