doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We left the knife in your bed.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Randomize
