im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't turn off my feet"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
he had hair everywhere except his balls
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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