I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
