Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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