yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
