I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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