is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.