therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.