Swine flu. Run for my life!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's so Britney 2007, you know?