he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
