Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
