Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
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He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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