Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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