Even the bartender felt bad for me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize