so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize