We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
