This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
