So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
