dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
