im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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