I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
