I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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