12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
