Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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