I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
