you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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