Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
