I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize