dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
