And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
