so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
