Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
