My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
