you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
