You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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