Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
