Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota

  (415): View more from California

  everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy

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  (415): I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota (415): everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy http://tfl.nu/10ak
  Replies (152) Good night (791) Bad night (3424)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"

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  (440): I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!" http://tfl.nu/07u8
  Replies (21) Good night (6663) Bad night (856)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.

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  (859): I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze. http://tfl.nu/hayj
  Replies (17) Good night (768) Bad night (5097)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.

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  (224): Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night. http://tfl.nu/rq15
  Replies (9) Good night (3617) Bad night (1513)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night

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  (678): So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night http://tfl.nu/pxx7
  Replies (14) Good night (6496) Bad night (1198)
• Favorite

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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  (410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z
  Replies (31) Good night (12083) Bad night (1319)
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  (807): View more from Ontario

  I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?

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  (807): I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight? http://tfl.nu/7h08
  Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (3784)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?

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  (352): Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house? http://tfl.nu/bc2r
  Replies (14) Good night (9607) Bad night (2369)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him

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  (850): if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him http://tfl.nu/ohx4
  Replies (4) Good night (2318) Bad night (1685)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty

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  (253): She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty http://tfl.nu/bhaz
  Replies (3) Good night (743) Bad night (2788)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary

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  (204): I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary http://tfl.nu/rsxr
  Replies (5) Good night (2378) Bad night (1171)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.

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  (309): Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls. http://tfl.nu/n0fo
  Replies (7) Good night (2405) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Mom said you looked used

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  (910): Mom said you looked used http://tfl.nu/mdwd
  Replies (5) Good night (1563) Bad night (1106)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids

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  (414): And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids http://tfl.nu/86i1
  Replies (2) Good night (503) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.

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  (617): i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much. http://tfl.nu/n2r6
  Replies (0) Good night (543) Bad night (285)

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