so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go