Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.

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  (805): My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping. http://tfl.nu/dvm6
  Replies (10) Good night (781) Bad night (931)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.

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  (612): On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait. http://tfl.nu/48a7
  Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (1753)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

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  (267): After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest http://tfl.nu/54ul
  Replies (41) Good night (27833) Bad night (1078)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.

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  (940): She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one. http://tfl.nu/4xsk
  Replies (35) Good night (15576) Bad night (870)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.

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  (804): The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in. http://tfl.nu/awzl
  Replies (12) Good night (8418) Bad night (992)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister

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  (707): I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister http://tfl.nu/vdmj
  Replies (7) Good night (2435) Bad night (800)
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  (510): View more from California

  In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...

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  (510): In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going... http://tfl.nu/8b0c
  Replies (9) Good night (5122) Bad night (826)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table

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  (206): I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table http://tfl.nu/jkfk
  Replies (5) Good night (2416) Bad night (1093)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.

  (719): View more from Colorado

  this better not be you asking for a beej

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  (303): She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner. (719): this better not be you asking for a beej http://tfl.nu/u03l
  Replies (14) Good night (1338) Bad night (2334)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis

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  (817): She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis http://tfl.nu/sxjx
  Replies (13) Good night (2579) Bad night (558)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom

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  (605): the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom http://tfl.nu/jd2y
  Replies (6) Good night (644) Bad night (2125)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.

  (1-954): View more from Florida

  Marco

  (954): View more from Florida

  Polo

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  (954): These days, you and me are swimming in dicks. (1-954): Marco (954): Polo http://tfl.nu/zk92
  Replies (6) Good night (2553) Bad night (530)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.

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  (973): But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing. http://tfl.nu/ee1i
  Replies (1) Good night (614) Bad night (433)
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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.

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  (870): Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants. http://tfl.nu/u5r1
  Replies (1) Good night (526) Bad night (287)
• Favorite

  (216): View more from Ohio

  then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value

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  (216): then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value http://tfl.nu/klpa
  Replies (3) Good night (845) Bad night (248)

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