I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night