Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
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i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
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You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me