this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..