he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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