You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
