she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
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Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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