mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
