hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
