i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
