this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm like, not good at living.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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