she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
