My nipple is on Facebook.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
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