I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
