Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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